In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
