If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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