thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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