I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
