when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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