does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Randomize
