Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
