did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
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