Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Randomize
