I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
