The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
ugly people sure do ruin things
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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