does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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