New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
