whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Randomize
