M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Randomize
