Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
