okay pat passed out under dana's car
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
