dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I would fuck him just for his dog
Randomize
