Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
