you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
