He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
