so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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