covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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