When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
