Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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