Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
