i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
