You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
We were destined to go to rehab together
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
