if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
