Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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