I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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