New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
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