I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
How's work?
Spinning.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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