I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
