She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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