I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
