I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
