Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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