I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
