I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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