We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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