i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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