Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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