I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
