when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
