I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
