And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
