Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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