all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
