hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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