I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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