Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
too bad you live with your parents still
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize