We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Randomize
