I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
