So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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