No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
