I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
