Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
