I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
