someone threw a dead crab at me
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
