Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
