I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
