3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
