someone threw a dead crab at me
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Did you just see the Batmobile???
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Randomize
