yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I believe in your delicious
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
