I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
