Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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